Wednesday, October 17, 2012

FALLEN HARDER THAN THE FIRST TIME

This poem was written in a tough phase of my life, where there were some mountains that I was climbing, and i fell badly again n again. I realised that this time i had fallen harder than the first time.


Fallen deep into a pit again,
No words can explain the pain,
Broken trusts and shattered dreams
Talks are filled with loud screams
Can anyone feel my heart ache?
Its way more than I can take
Coz i had Fallen harder than the 1st time!

i climb the mountain all over again
When i fall down it goes in vain
i do the things i know it will hurt
All thought it’s just rot and dirt
i think of the things i need 2 4get
Wish i get the right priorities set
Coz i had Fallen harder than the 1st time!

All i need is Your strength n grace
To lift me up n help me run this race
Coz faith in U can move any mountain
Your word is so true and so certain
I’m grateful for Your second chance
Allthough i had fallen harder than the 1st time!
My God is still in control of this life of mine!

Don't look at the mountains but look up to the God who made the mountains!!! =)
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Friday, October 12, 2012

PRIDE Vs BROKENESS


Just read something today... Pretty long...but so true...

Proud people focus on the failures of others.
Broken people are overwhelmed with a sense of their own spiritual need.

Proud people have a critical, fault-finding spirit; they look at everyone else’s faults with a microscope but their own with a telescope.
Broken people are compassionate; they can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven.

Proud people are self-righteous; they look down on others.
Broken people esteem all others better than themselves.

Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.
Broken people have a dependent spirit; they recognize their need for others.

Proud people have to prove that they are right.
Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.

Proud people claim rights; they have a demanding spirit.
Broken people yield their rights; they have a meek spirit.

Proud people are self-protective of their time, their rights, and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.

Proud people desire to be served.
Broken people are motivated to serve others.


Proud people desire to be a success.
Broken people are motivated to be faithful and to make others a success.

Proud people desire self-advancement.
Broken people desire to promote others.

Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated.
Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness; they are thrilled that God would use them at all.

Proud people are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked.
Broken people are eager for others to get the credit; they rejoice when others are lifted up.

Proud people have a subconscious feeling, “This ministry/church is privileged to have me and my gifts”; they think of what they can do for God.
Broken people’s heart attitude is, “I don’t deserve to have a part in any ministry”; they know that they have nothing to offer God except the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.

Proud people feel confident in how much they know.
Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.

Proud people are self-conscious.
Broken people are not concerned with self at all.

Proud people keep others at arms’ length.
Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and to take risks of loving intimately.

Proud people are quick to blame others.
Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they are wrong in a situation.

Proud people are unapproachable or defensive when criticized.
Broken people receive criticism with a humble, open spirit.

Proud people are concerned with being respectable, with what others think; they work to protect their own image and reputation.
Broken people are concerned with being real; what matters to them is not what others think but what God knows; they are willing to die to their own reputation.

Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual need with others.
Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.

Proud people want to be sure that no one finds out when they have sinned; their instinct is to cover up.
Broken people, once broken, don’t care who knows or who finds out; they are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.


Proud people have a hard time saying, “I was wrong; will you please forgive me?”
Broken people are quick to admit failure and to seek forgiveness when necessary.

Proud people tend to deal in generalities when confessing sin.
Broken people are able to acknowledge specifics when confessing their sin.

Proud people are concerned about the consequences of their sin.
Broken people are grieved over the cause, the root of their sin.

Proud people are remorseful over their sin, sorry that they got found out or caught.
Broken people are truly, genuinely repentant over their sin, evidenced in the fact that they forsake that sin.

Proud people wait for the other to come and ask forgiveness when there is a misunderstanding or conflict in a relationship.
Broken people take the initiative to be reconciled when there is misunderstanding or conflict in relationships; they race to the cross; they see if they can get there first, no matter how wrong the other may have been.

Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor.
Broken people compare themselves to the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for His mercy.

Proud people are blind to their true heart condition.
Broken people walk in the light.

Proud people don’t think they have anything to repent of.
Broken people realize they have need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.

Proud people don’t think they need revival, but they are sure that everyone else does.
Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God and for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.


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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

THE UGLY PIT

I've kinda got myself back in the pit again lately. Oh, how I hate the pit. The place that I have been at many times before but I told myself I am never going to go back there again... I am in that place OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. So when is the day that I will learn from my mistakes and my past and completely finish this journey through the wilderness? Will that day be soon? The feeling and the pain of my bad choices should have been done and over with a long time ago. Even though it's not good that I have been making bad choices and I have lost my focus. God is dealing with me about that but I believe God will use this pain and this season for His good.

To remember where I was last year, and then the year before, alot has changed and I have learned alot. I lost focus of God, the more I realized how screwed up I am. That's a good thing in a way that I realized that I am nothing without God and I desperately need His help in EVERY aspect of my life. But sometimes when I get the realization that I am just totally screwed up, it can bring me down when I lose my focus on God, and it starts that self-hate cycle that I’m trying to overcome.

I just want to enjoy life and the journey. But I have to go through this season first. God's not going to let me give up and He's not going to take the hard things away in life that I have to deal with. I just have to stay super focused and keep my eyes on God and go through.

The most important lesson that I learned through this journey is that my strength is directly connected to my relationship with God. If I lose my focus and stop seeking Him, I lose my strength. The times that I lost that focus, I choose to sin and make wrong decisions. Another lesson that I learned is seeking things will never make you happy. Only the joy of the Lord will make us happy. How many times have I been tempted by my flesh telling me that if you get that certain thing/person, it will make me satisfied, happy, content, etc..... Never happens.

I'm tired of being a screwed up mess. I know that I need to give my mess to God and let Him fight my battles for me. Just why is that so hard for my prideful self to do? Or, after I let the Lord fight a battle for me, I slowly take it back because now I think I can handle it on my own. It's like, ok thanks God, but now I can take care of it from here... And then I get myself back into the same hole that I came from. And that same hole is where I’m at now...I give up God… I give up handling things on my own! Please take control God!
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