TO SOMEONE WHO IS ALMOST 30

You’ve spent so many years enjoying your 20’s and life always looked so cool and glamorous. It was filled with love and laughter. While having messy rooms, life was messier. You always followed the latest fashion trend. You always felt you had nothing to wear even when your closet was full of clothes (I feel this every day) and laundry bags were overflowing. Now, you are unable to fit into your cute little red dress. You have been googling how to lose weight and tried all possible diets! You have been trying so hard to keep your tummy flat. Sounds familiar! Oh well, you are not alone.

Yes, different people are doing different things right now. Life is no longer the same.

Your best friends have kids. Your old classmate is killing it with success. Your ex is happy. Your old mate is drowning in drugs. Half your college mates are abroad. No matter how much your paycheck is, it is never enough money.  Different people are doing different things. But not you, you just exist. You’re getting through everyday a little better than the last. But then you have days where you can’t get up at all.

This life you’re living doesn’t feel complete. Loneliness wraps around you like a blanket you love and you wonder where you went wrong.

“Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Did I miss that opportunity? Is this going to be the rest of my life? Why am I alone? Why am I unsuccessful?” It goes on. And when you wake up, it’s worse. A memory of last night frustratingly haunts your hammering mind. Yet another mistake. Yet again.

You scream hateful words to yourself. When will I ever learn? You go over those messages. Those conversations. How you fell right back into a ditch when you knew better. Just for a moment, you wish you weren’t yourself.

And in that moment, read these words:

Breathe. It’s not so bad. I’m in the same boat too. I’ve made that call. I’ve texted that wrong person. I’ve woken up with regrets. I still do. I’ve felt the need to be held. I’ve felt that silent green monster towards that colleague at work.

Yes, we all make those mistakes. And we all think nobody else does. But they do.

So please, don’t hate yourself. And don’t stop being you. Don’t stop dressing up.  Don’t stop trying that diet. Don’t stop dreaming of fairy-tales. You might not always get there, but don’t stop.

You have so much left to do. You have a world filled with life waiting to happen. You have books to be written. Steps to be taken. Places to see. People to meet. Shopping centers that you haven’t explored.  Makeovers that you haven’t tried. You haven’t lived half your life yet. There’s so much ahead. And in ten years, when you look back, you’ll wish you were here again.

And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember – It’s okay to be alone in a crowd or in a room full of people. I know how it feels.

Don’t lose yourself to pity-party. Do the simple things. Stop procrastinating. Take a walk in the rain. Exercise. Swim. Watch your favorite movie for the millionth time. Write your dairy. Sketch until you’re better than the best. Eat like you’re dying tomorrow. And most importantly, make mistakes. Your heart will heal. But today will never be back again. Don’t live with “Could-have-been’s.” Take chances.

But because you deserve to wake up with a smile. You deserve to live life. To make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known.

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ANYTHING FOR HER

I still remember those days. She was laughter. She was joy. She was as adorable as life got.

It wasn’t the easiest of transitions. I woke up one day and suddenly my world wasn’t just about me anymore. The days I could not go on. But she made it better.

Someone once asked me what my favorite day ever was. I didn’t have to think because I knew. I knew the moment it happened that I’ll never forget that day. It was the day I saw her.

I remember the first time she scared me. She hid behind a wall and waited for me to walk out of our restroom. When I took the first step, she whispered “Bhaaa.” Little did she know, I was so lost in thought, the mere word almost skipped a heartbeat. I may be scarred for life but the way she laughs still rings in my head.

She is everything I’ll never be. Always has been. She was a parent’s day dream. She knew what she wanted. She didn’t aim for the sky. She aimed for what she could do. And she did it. She sang her heart out.

We’ve shared a lot. We’ve shared a room. We’ve shared clothes. We’ve shared secrets. Gossip. Life stories. Late night thoughts about the future. My dream man. Her dream wedding.

We’ve been on adventures together. Recording songs. Recording videos. Lied together. Laughed together. Fought the world together. Fought with each other. Teased people together. Teased each other. She taught me what sharing is. We had our differences. But we found common ground.

We’re not as close as we once were. She became a teenager. She found her friends. She found people she could relate to. But it didn’t mean we loved each other any less. We still had our talk. She still knew how insecure I could be. I still knew how much of a drama queen she could be.

And I still can’t believe. After so many years of treating her like a child, she’s no longer a teenager! She’s a woman! 

Each word here is a little reminder of a moment we spent together. A moment we laughed together. A moment we lived together. 

Most importantly, no matter how big a fight we’ve had, how embarrassed we’ve made each other feel or how much she loses my stuff, we’ll never give up on each other.

Because she’s not just someone I’ve known. She’s someone I’ve loved since the moment she was born.

She’s my younger sister.

And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

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I WILL SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING

I’ve been clinging to this scripture recently. Off late life has been difficult for me especially dealing with politics at work. I know what you are thinking... Well, Grace it's there everywhere. That's right! But when people try to put you down it's hard to stand tall. I have been down and disturbed for a while now. In the midst of all this one thing God has been encouraging is through this verse.

I opened my daily devotional to read the chapter for today and this is the verse I saw:

A month earlier during family prayer mom said let’s read Psalm 27. I was reminded of that same very verse that day. It stuck in my head. It just came to me afresh. I have read Psalm 27 many times but this time it lit me up.

Last Sunday in church, during the opening prayer, Pastor prayed, Lord we are confident that we will see your goodness in the land of the living. I think my AMEN was the loudest.

David was in a tough spot when he penned this psalm. He’s being attacked by armies and war, with enemies chasing after him to kill him, and to add insult to injury there are folks talking junk about him.  Life was looking pretty bleak. Somehow I can relate a wee bit here.

That’s what makes verses 13 and 14 stand out so brightly.  He is CONFIDENT, first off.  That takes real faith; to believe the goodness of God’s character despite the circumstances.  He doesn’t just think he might perhaps just possibly see the goodness of the Lord…NO, he is CONFIDENT that he WILL see the goodness of the Lord.

In the land of the living!  That means, “In this life”.  Before he dies, even, David is exercising a hopeful confidence of good things to come.  Remember, he is running for his life.  But he’s STILL saying he believes he will see the goodness of the Lord in this life, despite the circumstances.

We were listening to Joel Osteen the other day and he also mentioned the very same verse in his sermon. I was in tears. I was like, Lord thank you for encouraging me. I needed this to sink in deep in my heart. When God speak to me, it's difficult for me to hold back my tears. He still loves me despite of my failure. He knows my heart. He knows me.

You know me...Lord! Here is a song lyric that touched my heart...

You have been

And You will be

You have seen

And You will see

You know when I rise and when I fall

When I come or go, You see it all

You hung the stars and You move the sea,

And still You know me

And nothing is hidden from Your sight

Wherever I go, You find me

And You know every detail of my life

And You are God and You don't miss a thing

And nothing is hidden from Your sight

Wherever I go, You find me

And You know every detail of my life

And You are God and You don't miss a thing

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WHEN WORDS FAIL

Remember the time

I was quiet

you asked what happened

and I just smiled

when words fail...

When emotions grew

fights hurled

I could not reply

my heart sank

when words fail...

I waited for you

cried myself to bed

I wanted to tell

things I'm going through.

when words fail...

You turned to me

lifted my face

kissed on my lips

when words fail...silence spoke

- Grace Xavier

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WHY I BLOG

When I was 9, I cried in a bathroom because my relatives told that I was dark and my sister was fair. So I was insecure about my skin color.

At 12, I hid under the cot since I had a big nose. So I wouldn't like to meet the guests at who came home.

At 14, I cringed when we had to take class photos during school picnic because I was short and thought I was ugly. So I hid my picture.

At 20, I cried when that boy broke my heart because he met a prettier girl. So I felt nobody would ever like me and I would never get married.

At 22, I when everyone had their ministry, I was depressed that I couldn't preach or sing like my dad or sister did.

At 24, I realized that I had spent the first two decades of my life believing the lie that I needed to be perfect. Clean, crisp and poised. So I did all I could to hide my messes. My insecurities. My doubt. My discouragement.

But the truth is that I always felt out of place. I felt too messy and awkward and ugly.

And that's half the reason why my blog has messy and unusual stories. But the truth is that it's a sanctuary for me, where I can pour out my heart before God. A place where I can drop the filters and be the sad little girl that hid in a bathroom. Except there's no hiding under the cot, no comparison, no judgment, no holding back. It's me, my heart poured out in every color, scratch, and squiggle. Because I had found comfort and confidence in one place alone - at Jesus' feet. And today, it's still the only place I'm free to drop the filters, to feel imperfect and ugly without wanting to hide, and free to be messy with a God who adores every ounce of me. And my out-pour on the page is out of my own experiences. It is to encourage you that there is hope in Christ alone.

God has turned my mess into a message. It's true for you, too. So if you're feeling fat, short or ugly or heartbroken or discouraged or messed up: that's okay. There is HOPE!

Your greatest testimony is that you went through fire but you don't smell like smoke!

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OCEANS - HILLSONG

Currently I'm super obsessed with this song. It has just touched my heart like no other song that I have heard off late. This song can just lift your spirit up. No matter what you are facing today, may you feel the presence of God when you hear it. This song has been inspired from Matthew 14:25-33 where Jesus asks Peter to walk on the water.

There are a couple things I get from this story. The first is that Peter had the faith and trust in God to walk out on the water… Wow! That is scary and intimidating and unknown. And of course he walked out into a storm. It was windy and the waves were coming from all directions, but he still decided to take a step of faith trusting that God was going to guide his steps.

It was one of those days when everything went wrong. I was super depressed and down. I felt like I was walking into something scary, intimidating, and unknown. So I had to trust God with all my heart and know that He was going to take care of me along the way. Are you taking a step of faith towards God’s will for your life? Are you trusting him as you walk on the uneven water?

The second thing I get from this story is that when Peter walked amongst the waves and the wind, for a split second, he lost sight of Jesus. He lost sight of the one who was keeping him above the waves, and that is the moment he started sinking. But as soon as Jesus came back into Peter’s vision, Peter was lifted to the place of calm and security again. Are you keeping your eyes on Jesus? Are you keeping your gaze above the waves? If this is true in your life, then your perspective should be shifted. You are no longer focused on the scary-intimidating-unknown around you, but you are focused on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ.

Put yourself in Peter’s situation… ask yourself some hard questions… and take a listen to this song…

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

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HAPPY MOTHER

This is a post by Heather Lindsey whom I follow on facebook. This is quite encouraging for moms-to-be :) Here is what she posted today:

"This morning in my prayer time, I came across a scripture (Psalms 113:9). I knew that the Lord gave me this huge desire to be a mother to children & this scripture helped to remind me that it's God that opens my womb & gives me a family. Whether He would open my womb or if we would adopt & make our children blood- I knew that His timing was perfect. So, if you're struggling with a bad doctors report or maybe you're desiring to get pregnant but cannot - rest in the Lord. Or maybe you're single & feel like your clock is ticking. I'm assured that at the right time God will bring these things to pass & give you the energy to keep up with your sweet family. Family & marriage is GOD'S idea. So, are we patient enough to trust God's timing or will we keep running off with pointless Ishmael's? { Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." }.God makes marriages & we tend & keep them. - Heather Lindsey"

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DIY - DECORATIVE STRING BALLS

This Christmas we wanted to decoration our house differently. We wanted it to be creative and unique. So mom came up with these DIY - decorative balls. It's super easy to do and really beautiful.

You can also use these for any birthday party or to just make your room pretty.

THINGS YOU WILL NEED

Natural string or woolen thread
Balloon
Brush
Scissors
Strong craft glue or fevicol
Cup
Fabric colors

HOW TO DO

1. Blow up your balloon. Pour the glue in a cup and  cut few meters of thread enough for the balloon.

2. Wrap the string around the balloon. Keep going in different directions until the ballon is covered but you can still see through the layers.Saturate the thread by brushing on plenty of glue. Leave this to dry over night.

3. Now for the fun part. Pop the balloon using a pin and carefully remove it from inside your string ball.

At this point you are done unless you want to add some color.

Attach these balls with light strings. And you are done. Pretty simple right?

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