WHY I BLOG

When I was 9, I cried in a bathroom because my relatives told that I was dark and my sister was fair. So I was insecure about my skin color.

At 12, I hid under the cot since I had a big nose. So I wouldn't like to meet the guests at who came home.

At 14, I cringed when we had to take class photos during school picnic because I was short and thought I was ugly. So I hid my picture.

At 20, I cried when that boy broke my heart because he met a prettier girl. So I felt nobody would ever like me and I would never get married.

At 22, I when everyone had their ministry, I was depressed that I couldn't preach or sing like my dad or sister did.

At 24, I realized that I had spent the first two decades of my life believing the lie that I needed to be perfect. Clean, crisp and poised. So I did all I could to hide my messes. My insecurities. My doubt. My discouragement.

But the truth is that I always felt out of place. I felt too messy and awkward and ugly.

And that's half the reason why my blog has messy and unusual stories. But the truth is that it's a sanctuary for me, where I can pour out my heart before God. A place where I can drop the filters and be the sad little girl that hid in a bathroom. Except there's no hiding under the cot, no comparison, no judgment, no holding back. It's me, my heart poured out in every color, scratch, and squiggle. Because I had found comfort and confidence in one place alone - at Jesus' feet. And today, it's still the only place I'm free to drop the filters, to feel imperfect and ugly without wanting to hide, and free to be messy with a God who adores every ounce of me. And my out-pour on the page is out of my own experiences. It is to encourage you that there is hope in Christ alone.

God has turned my mess into a message. It's true for you, too. So if you're feeling fat, short or ugly or heartbroken or discouraged or messed up: that's okay. There is HOPE!

Your greatest testimony is that you went through fire but you don't smell like smoke!

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OCEANS - HILLSONG

Currently I'm super obsessed with this song. It has just touched my heart like no other song that I have heard off late. This song can just lift your spirit up. No matter what you are facing today, may you feel the presence of God when you hear it. This song has been inspired from Matthew 14:25-33 where Jesus asks Peter to walk on the water.

There are a couple things I get from this story. The first is that Peter had the faith and trust in God to walk out on the water… Wow! That is scary and intimidating and unknown. And of course he walked out into a storm. It was windy and the waves were coming from all directions, but he still decided to take a step of faith trusting that God was going to guide his steps.

It was one of those days when everything went wrong. I was super depressed and down. I felt like I was walking into something scary, intimidating, and unknown. So I had to trust God with all my heart and know that He was going to take care of me along the way. Are you taking a step of faith towards God’s will for your life? Are you trusting him as you walk on the uneven water?

The second thing I get from this story is that when Peter walked amongst the waves and the wind, for a split second, he lost sight of Jesus. He lost sight of the one who was keeping him above the waves, and that is the moment he started sinking. But as soon as Jesus came back into Peter’s vision, Peter was lifted to the place of calm and security again. Are you keeping your eyes on Jesus? Are you keeping your gaze above the waves? If this is true in your life, then your perspective should be shifted. You are no longer focused on the scary-intimidating-unknown around you, but you are focused on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ.

Put yourself in Peter’s situation… ask yourself some hard questions… and take a listen to this song…

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

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HAPPY MOTHER

This is a post by Heather Lindsey whom I follow on facebook. This is quite encouraging for moms-to-be :) Here is what she posted today:

"This morning in my prayer time, I came across a scripture (Psalms 113:9). I knew that the Lord gave me this huge desire to be a mother to children & this scripture helped to remind me that it's God that opens my womb & gives me a family. Whether He would open my womb or if we would adopt & make our children blood- I knew that His timing was perfect. So, if you're struggling with a bad doctors report or maybe you're desiring to get pregnant but cannot - rest in the Lord. Or maybe you're single & feel like your clock is ticking. I'm assured that at the right time God will bring these things to pass & give you the energy to keep up with your sweet family. Family & marriage is GOD'S idea. So, are we patient enough to trust God's timing or will we keep running off with pointless Ishmael's? { Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." }.God makes marriages & we tend & keep them. - Heather Lindsey"

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DIY - DECORATIVE STRING BALLS

This Christmas we wanted to decoration our house differently. We wanted it to be creative and unique. So mom came up with these DIY - decorative balls. It's super easy to do and really beautiful.

You can also use these for any birthday party or to just make your room pretty.

THINGS YOU WILL NEED

Natural string or woolen thread
Balloon
Brush
Scissors
Strong craft glue or fevicol
Cup
Fabric colors

HOW TO DO

1. Blow up your balloon. Pour the glue in a cup and  cut few meters of thread enough for the balloon.

2. Wrap the string around the balloon. Keep going in different directions until the ballon is covered but you can still see through the layers.Saturate the thread by brushing on plenty of glue. Leave this to dry over night.

3. Now for the fun part. Pop the balloon using a pin and carefully remove it from inside your string ball.

At this point you are done unless you want to add some color.

Attach these balls with light strings. And you are done. Pretty simple right?

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3 LESSONS OF BROKENNESS

I have been asking God what I should ponder on this year. God has been lately dealing with me through brokenness. He is reminding me to be a broken person so that He can use me. 

Sometime life can just break you into pieces. Brokenness – quite the word! It brings such thoughts of painful situations. Our personal lives often have multiple themes of brokenness happening at once or sometimes on a daily basis. I’m learning that brokenness is a process where I need to be broken until I have reached the point where I have totally crucified my so called “SELF”. Dad often says the simple definition of Brokenness is “Not my will but Gods’ ”! The "I" in me should die! 

3 THINGS BROKENNESS HAS DONE TO ME:

MADE ME MORE HUMBLE

Brokenness has exposed my pride. While being unbroken, I sometimes tend to venture on my own like I can manage everything on my own. God reminded me that I can’t do ANYTHING without Him. Without Him I am NOTHING. He had to bring me to ZERO. I needed to repent, fall on my face and ask God for His grace. It’s in my pain and hurt and failing that I remember His goodness and love. When I am broken, God can shine on me! To pick me up, to dust me off and to become a source of hope for others who are broken like me.

GIVEN ME NEW STRENGTH

In order to use men and women to their fullest extent, God had to break His servants so that they might have a new kind of strength. It is Strength in SPIRIT that is born only through Brokenness. It’s in my weakness that He is made strong. I’m nowhere near complete, but I refuse to stop in the middle of the process. I will run the race to completion – in my marriage, my family and place of work. With God’s strength I will run and not look back. I will press on and embrace the future hope and plans that God has for me.

DRAWN ME CLOSER TO GOD

It’s never fun walking through the fire, being in the storm, stumbling in the darkness…yet, in the midst of the brokenness I can hear God – I feel His presence and I know that He is with me through the pain. Brokenness hurts, brokenness disrupts and brokenness often involves painful memories, hurtful scars and deep anguish. But God will not leave, He will not forsake, and He promises to make beauty out of ashes. I have experienced this, and continue to experience it, first-hand and God will do the same for you!

God reminded me this verse by the Psalmist:

“The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.” Psalm 51:17

Brokenness is not just for one day but I want it to become a life style. My heart’s desire this year is to be a broken person. May 2016 be the "YEAR OF BROKENNESS".

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AFTER

Life is more than what you think. To a happy 2016!

After rain there's a rainbow, 

After a storm there's calm, 

After the night there's a morning,

After an ending there's a new beginning

After valley there's a mountain,

After the fall there's rise,

After a decrease there's increase,

After the war there's peace

After low there's a high, 

After sadness there's happiness,

After ashes there's beauty,

After mourning there's joy

After a question there's an answer, 

After the battle there's victory,

After the sickness there's healing,

After hate there's love

After the unbelief there's faith,

After darkness there's light

After fear there's freedom

After despair there's hope

After the mess there's a message,

After the past there's a future,

After the mistake there's a miracle,

After the worst there's a best

After failure there's success

After the flood there's sunshine

After the famine there's harvest

After death there's life

- Grace Xavier

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GODS RULE RULES!

I used to commute to work by bike. Dad always enforces the helmet rule on me. However I dislike to wear an helmet since it spoils my hairstyle ;). I was unhappy about this, until the day I fell off my bike and hit my head. But since I had my helmet on, it didn't even hurt. Dad's rule rules! That "terrible" rule has helped me.

It reminds me of God and His rules. God has certain rules for us to help us. They keep us from getting hurt, just like the helmet rule.

One mark of loving God is to keep his commandments which means to follow His rules. My dad loves me so much that he can't bear the thought that I might get hurt. And that's exactly why God gives us His rules too.

Last Sunday at Church we read from John 14:15 which says, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." And I almost forgot about it. Just like every-other day I opened the Bible Gateway to read the scripture portion yesterday. It was from John 14. It was like God was reminding me the same verse again.

My husband and I decided to read a portion from the daily devotion before going to bed last night. The verse was from 1 John 5:13 and it said, "Loving God means keeping His commandments". I was surprised! God was speaking to me. This made me question myself.  In which area am I not obeying God?

God was gently reminding me by saying, "Obey My rules and I will keep you from getting hurt!"
And now I never forget to wear my helmet whenever I ride my bike :P

Top Left: The cover of my daily devotional book. Top Right: Notes that I wrote down at church
Bottom: The verse from the devotional

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THE GIFT OF FORGETTING

My aunt met with an accident few days ago and she was telling how she is unable to remember certain things in life after the accident. Immediately my dad told her that even forgetting is a gift of God. This made me think of how forgetting could be a gift.

FORGETTING SAVES FROM DEPRESSION

People possessing extremely detailed photographic memory are called hyperthymesiacs. At first glance, it seems cool to recall every bit of your history! But on second thought, this would be a recipe for depression: whereas great memories will pop up, bad ones will be stuck on the replay button forever with the erase button jammed. You’ll be caught in an endless rewind play of a certain scene. Years will slip by and plenty of “now” moments will be missed… haunted by regrets rather than paying attention to the present. Isaiah 43:18-19 says, “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old”. This is why the human ability to forget is a staggering gift that can save from depression.

FORGETTING HELPS TO MOVE FORWARD

On my way home from work, I started thinking about something which I regret doing few years ago... how things should have been different etc. I have to say sometimes I go over things that have occurred in the past and keep thinking and thinking about the rather than leaving them in the past and move on. Even the scriptures says in Philippians 3 vs 13 “Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward…” Forgetting makes me to move forward. I must always remember to move on from the 'scarred tissue'.  We don’t usually consider it a gift, but think of the consequences if we don’t forget. We don’t want to be stuck in this journey of life but move forward.

FORGETTING AIDES THE FORGIVENESS PROCESS

Looking back at my life, I have gone through a lot and accumulated things I no longer want to remember; both things done to me and things I have done to others. With each day, the distance generated has given me time to grieve, heal, forget and forgive. If I had to remember everything bad that people have done to me, I’m sure that I would not be talking to most of the friends & relatives.  It’s through this that I’ve realized that the ability to forget is another expression of the grace of God to me. Even God forgives and forgets. Hebrews 8:12 says “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." I thank God for the gift of forgetting. It gives time for us to heal and it aides the forgiveness process.

God has blessed human beings with many Gifts, and one of the most important amongst them is the Gift of Forgetting. Hope you and I will embrace this gift!

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