THE MASK

I live in a glass house. Being a preacher’s daughter, I knew at a young age that our family was on display. We are the model for what a family was to look like. All eyes are on us. Perfection became not just my standard but my obsession. When I was incapable of attaining perfection, I became really good at hiding my imperfections. So good, in fact, that I had almost fooled myself into thinking I was perfect. From the outside looking in, I had it all together. Hair always perfectly in place, topper of my class, never missed church, always well behaved but it was all a part of the mask I put on. My imperfections hid just beneath the surface and I wanted to keep it that way. I just figured that if I didn’t let people too close then they would never have to find out the truth. My secret would stay safe and secure deep within me and people would like me–the perfect, but false, version of me.

My behavior resembled that of a little girl trying to win the approval of her father. “See how I can go to church every Sunday, Daddy?”

“Watch how I can read my Bible, Daddy…!”
“Look at me, Daddy. Aren’t you so proud of how good I can be?”

The problem? I’m not perfect. So the second I put on a mask, I would glance around to make sure no one was looking. And I would put on a mask–often–because trying to be perfect is exhausting. But, of course, I would just act like nothing happened and go on my way. I would push the shame deep down inside of me to keep from having to come to Him with it. I was actually blinded to the fact that I can’t hide from the Lord. Something deep inside troubled me because of not confessing and repenting when my imperfections made their way to the surface but, actually, I was just creating a deeper pit of shame between the One I could go to and find true forgiveness. Before I knew it, I was so deep in my frustration with myself that I didn’t even realize I had completely alienated myself from Him. I realized I needed to be honest before God. I had to deal with myself.

Am I perfect now? Of course not. But now I have come to see how God uses my imperfections to reveal more of who He is to me. Today, I still live in a glass house. This time, though, nothing is hidden. Everything I am, everything He created me to be is out there for everyone to see. There are no secrets, no false masks–only the imperfect me who strives to follow a perfect Him. The me He created me to be.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH

Hannah, I always cherish your friendship. I wish I could give you something for your birthday. But nothing is worth how much you mean to me. I just wrote down this poem for you. Hope you like it.

I woke up one morning and was brushing my hair

There you stood so cutely in your night wear

That was when we spoke for the very first time

From that day onwards you made sure I'm fine

Together we ran to the assembly with our wet hair

Finally made it on time and sat on the last chair

Each evening we spoke and sat on our hostel bench

Deeper and stronger our hearts began to clench

We laughed so much about everybody under the sun

The code words we created were understood by none

Teased people, called names and had so much fun

The very sight of us some began to escape and run

While we shared life with laughter and tears

We also walked through tough valleys and fears

Together with God we could face it all with joy

Each victory we won with prayers we did enjoy

Everytime I was feeling depressed and down

You always put an end to all my silly frown

You stood with me with much love and care

And gave me new hope in my deepest despair

Little did I know that you will mean so much

That our friendship will be awesome as such

Having you in my life I am so very blessed

Without your prayers I would be so messed

I knew it for sure that it was God's divine plan

To give me a friend like you is the best He can

All I want to say that you mean so much to me

I pray that our friendship will stronger be

I'm so glad that you were born this very day

I wish you great success in every single way

Thank you for being there and being so true

All I wano tell you that I really love you!

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I HATE IT WHEN I HURT YOU

Sadness has filled my heart tonight

Darkness has over shadowed the light

Oh I wish everything could be alright

I hate it when i hurt u

Please do tel me the things you hide

I really never meant to keep you aside

My guilt is killing me deep inside

I hate it when i hurt u

How do I tel you that I hate to fight

Being fine is all what I delight

Im crying with silent tears as I write

I hate it when i hurt u

I know you love me with all your heart

I wish things wouldn't tear u apart

Is there something like a fresh start

I hate it when i hurt u

Will time and come and take me back?

Coz I want to get on the right love track

I want to love Someone without any lack

coz I hate it when i hurt u

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PLEASE COME BACK...

Came in to my world in the least expected way

Made it colorful and beautiful every single day

Your presence made me stumble upon cloud nine

Coz You always made sure I'm happy and fine

Every single time that you held my little hand

Wish that moment stayed forever till the end

Darkness beacame light when you shone like a star

But now you are so close but feel like you're far

I regret that I hurt you and feel so very lost

Long to get back to you even if death is it's cost

Little did I kno that you will become my breath

Without you around me, I have been living death

I need you now my love, would you just hear my cry

My tears hav'nt stopped  and my cheeks never dry

Would you just forgive me and hug me tight tonight

Coz You're the only one who can make me feel alright

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BEHIND THE MAKE-UP

Oh, look at that flawless beautiful face

Isn't she lovely full of innocent grace

Her hair is so silky falling on her eyes

She is so pretty said all the girls and guys

Her eyes are so captivating with eye-liner

People think she must be a perfect designer

There's a broken heart behind the make up 

Her ear-rings sparkles as she moves around

Glittering along as she walks up and down

Her clothes she caries off so very well

She fills the air with her aromatic smell

Her heels so high you just cant define

Charming walk she looks absolutely divine

There's a broken heart behind the make up

Is she the girl who makes people laugh?

But today, to make her smile its tough

That's not the girl whom people knew

Although shez broken no one has a clue

There's a broken heart behind the make up

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STEPPING INTO GODS PRESENCE

Was just meditating on Intimacy with God and how to step into God's presence. I just read this and thought it was so super awesome. Hope it blesses you as it blessed me.

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DENMARK AND DANES

This is the write up about my thoughts about Denmark and the Danes which was sent to the channels team:

The long awaited dream to visit Denmark came true when I got the opportunity to work along with my Danish colleagues in Aarhus. Pleasant summer was very welcoming and I was delighted to see lush greenery everywhere. Since my apartment was right at the heart of the city it was an added advantage to explore around the city after work. If I could refresh my memories from Denmark I can see myself on the “walking street” picking up several Danish products. I couldn't help but admire the fashion and style sense of the Danes on my frequent shopping spree. I would say that Danish street fashion really rocks! Also the order in following rules of Danes really impressed me, be it in traffic or queues at the shopping malls or punching clip card on the bus. Working at Braband was a new experience with lots to learn and explore. It was indeed very knowledgeable with respect to technological learning from my wonderful Danish colleagues. I was amazed how productive and diligent each of them were with related with short working hours. I would definitely take back with me the responsibility and honesty each Danes has in their genes. Visiting Denmark would indeed be a refreshing chapter in the story of my life :)

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WHEN I LOOK AT YOU

some times u need to stay apart from ppl whom u love...but that doesn't mean u love them any less... sometimes it even make u love them more... right now i miss dad, mom, n sis...

Dear God, that's when I look at You...

Yea when my world is falling apart

When there's no light to break up the dark

That's when I, I...

I look at You...

When the waves

Are flooding the shore and I can't

Find my way home anymore

That's when I, I...

I look at You

When I look At You I see forgiveness

I see the truth

You love me for who I am

Like the stars Hold the moon

Right there where they belong

And I Know I'm Not Alone.

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