BEING SINGLE

If I were everything God made me to be, you wouldn’t be reading this.

It is hard to be single when everybody around you is not especially when all your friends are getting married and some even have babies. The “big” topic everywhere you go is about being in a relationship or being single.

Sometimes I ask myself if there is a reason I am single. Whatever it is, I am going to fix it so I could finally be "ready" to change my relationship status on Facebook to “married”. I just haven’t met the right person.  It might be the best way God can use my life now. I'm making the most of this season, however long it lasts but I feel it’s much harder to be with somebody who is not part of God's plan for your life. So I should not just haste. Then I read the sentence again…the one that says I’m okay with being single…and realize that it’s not entirely true. I’m supposed to be okay with my singleness. Because clearly, God has me single for a reason. I don’t have a husband right now because I’m not supposed to have a husband. I’m supposed to be content with the life God has given me. Sending His Son to die on a cross for my sins is more than enough reason to celebrate each day I breathe in and out on this earth with reverence, instead of wasting it by waiting for the moment when I will get to join the “Mrs.” community.

I confess that I struggle with being content in my singleness. Yes, I struggle daily.
The good news is that those “single” moments allow me to draw closer to God. I’m reminded to live a life on bended knee and commit to making God’s will my will.

I pray that He develops characteristics in me that my prince charming will say:

She loves God.
She has a beautiful heart.
She is kind.
She is joyful.
She is faithful.
She is gentle.
She can cook (I hope so) :D

God knows me. He knows my struggles. He knows my desires. He labels me “His Child” and will do great things through me if I let Him. Acknowledging that His timing is perfect, I claim Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you. You need only be still.”

That simple verse gives me hope. Hope that one day, a Godly man will like me enough to put a ring on me.

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THE MASK

I live in a glass house. Being a preacher’s daughter, I knew at a young age that our family was on display. We are the model for what a family was to look like. All eyes are on us. Perfection became not just my standard but my obsession. When I was incapable of attaining perfection, I became really good at hiding my imperfections. So good, in fact, that I had almost fooled myself into thinking I was perfect. From the outside looking in, I had it all together. Hair always perfectly in place, topper of my class, never missed church, always well behaved but it was all a part of the mask I put on. My imperfections hid just beneath the surface and I wanted to keep it that way. I just figured that if I didn’t let people too close then they would never have to find out the truth. My secret would stay safe and secure deep within me and people would like me–the perfect, but false, version of me.

My behavior resembled that of a little girl trying to win the approval of her father. “See how I can go to church every Sunday, Daddy?”

“Watch how I can read my Bible, Daddy…!”
“Look at me, Daddy. Aren’t you so proud of how good I can be?”

The problem? I’m not perfect. So the second I put on a mask, I would glance around to make sure no one was looking. And I would put on a mask–often–because trying to be perfect is exhausting. But, of course, I would just act like nothing happened and go on my way. I would push the shame deep down inside of me to keep from having to come to Him with it. I was actually blinded to the fact that I can’t hide from the Lord. Something deep inside troubled me because of not confessing and repenting when my imperfections made their way to the surface but, actually, I was just creating a deeper pit of shame between the One I could go to and find true forgiveness. Before I knew it, I was so deep in my frustration with myself that I didn’t even realize I had completely alienated myself from Him. I realized I needed to be honest before God. I had to deal with myself.

Am I perfect now? Of course not. But now I have come to see how God uses my imperfections to reveal more of who He is to me. Today, I still live in a glass house. This time, though, nothing is hidden. Everything I am, everything He created me to be is out there for everyone to see. There are no secrets, no false masks–only the imperfect me who strives to follow a perfect Him. The me He created me to be.

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